His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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