i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
