I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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