The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
