i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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