i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
not ubering you a puppy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
