The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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