The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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