my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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