I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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