Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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