i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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