Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
