I didn't shave. On purpose
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
