Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
