The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
