So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
