Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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