Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
