I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
