May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
