I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
