You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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