when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
