im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
