I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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