Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
