So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
