i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I forget how to act sober
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