She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
