i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You made out with two different species that night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
