My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
