I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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