Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
