Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Every concussion has its silver lining
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
