i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
