i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
