There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
