There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
