I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
