hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
