i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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