I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
