i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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