Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
