So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
