I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
