Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
