i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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