just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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