Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
